


He Toss My Salad Like His Name Romaine

by Emejig16



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Rimming, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-24
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2019-02-04 15:39:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12774114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emejig16/pseuds/Emejig16
Summary: Dan is very curious about rimjobs, but won’t tell Phil that he wants one, until Phil finally suggests that they try it out.





	He Toss My Salad Like His Name Romaine

**__ **

* * *

 

The number one thing Phil loved about Dan was just how naive he was. Although he was far from innocent, it never failed to surprise him and make him giggle a little when Dan would let some of that ignorance show.

It was a Thursday evening the couple were eating dinner together after a round of rather spontaneous and adventurous wall-sex. As of late, Dan had been unusually bold with their sexual endeavors. He was still new to all of the things that weren’t the typical vanilla stuff that everyone is familiar with. Along the way he stumbled across a couple of things he’d heard about but didn’t exactly know about.

The couple were sitting at the table enjoying their spaghetti. It wasn’t as special or romantic as some of the meals they’d had but it was nice to just spend some relaxed quality time together.

But something was off about it. Dan wasn’t being his usually cheery self and feeding him, making some dumb joke, or ranting about something he saw on Twitter. He was just kind of pushing his food around on his plate, and that kind of worried Phil. Maybe he wasn’t okay with what happened today, or maybe he’d subconsciously done something that bothered Dan. Phil really didn’t know, but what he did know was he didn’t like it when his ray of sunshine was sad or uncomfortable.

“Something on your mind?” Phil questioned.

Dan looked up from his pasta. “Well, sort of…” he said vaguely. “It’s more of a question I’ve just been thinking of.”

“Do you want to tell me? Maybe I can answer it?” Phil asked, placing his hand on Dan’s for reassurance.

“Okay,” Dan said as he worked up the confidence to ask his question. “Well, it’s sex related…” Dan started, already feeling a small blush creep onto his cheeks.

“Alright,” Phil said taking a sip of his water, trying to get Dan to continue. He was so adorable when it came to asking sexytime questions. It was just the way he would trip over his words, avoid eye contact, and get all flustered while trying to ask.

Dan took a deep breath. “Phil, w-what’s a r-rimjob?” he finally asked.

Phil nearly choked on his water. He coughed, “I’m sorry?”

“A rimjob…what is it?” Dan asked again. “Like how do you do it, and like do you use your hand, or am I just totally off and it actually has to do with car tires.”

Phil was just about to look for the words to start explaining it, and then Dan mentioned it possibly being about cars, causing Phil to start laughing. He didn’t mean to laugh, it was fairly relevant question. He just couldn’t believe that he was actually this clueless about it. He actually thought he was going to start crying he was laughing so hard.

Dan had turned a deep shade of red and was gnawing on his lip as he waited for Phil to stop laughing. He actually wanted to jump out of the window right now.

"I’m so sorry Dan,” Phil said, wiping away a tear as a few stray giggles slipped out. He took another sip of his water and took a deep breath.

“Okay, well for starters, it has nothing to do with tires.”

“Figured,” Dan said, feeling pretty ridiculous.

“Basically, a rim job is when someone uses their tongue to lick someones…butthole. It’s like a blowjob, but for your butt,” Phil poorly explained.

“Oh…” Dan said getting the gist of it. “And people like that?”

"Well I suppose it depends on who it is, but yeah people do,” Phil said leaning back in his chair.

“Do you like them?” Dan asked as he twiddled his fingers.

Phil had to think about how to answer this question. It wasn’t that he didn’t like them, he just didn’t like receiving rimjobs as much as he liked giving them.

"They’re okay,” Phil said nonchalantly. “Why do you want one or something?” he asked.

Dan giggled and blushed again, still avoiding eye contact with Phil as that would just further his embarrassment. “I don’t know,” he said, playing with his fingers. He finally looked up at Phil. “Maybe…”

"So yes?” Phil said chuckling.

"Well, I’m not entirely sure,” Dan said, running his hand through his hair.

“That’s fine, it’s totally up to you,” Phil said with a warm smile. He didn’t want to pressure Dan into doing anything he wasn’t one hundred percent sure he wanted to do. But he was still going to keep rimming in mind. Dan did like it when he fingered him, so he’d probably enjoy it.

For the rest of the meal Dan seemed to be more relaxed. He was talking, making jokes, and was finally starting to act like himself again. Phil couldn’t help but giggle at the fact that such a small question was working him up so much. He was just so adorable.

The rest of their night passed fairly uneventfully. They watched TV and just lazed around on their laptops for most of the time. The two of them eventually ended up cuddled up in bed having mostly meaningful conversations until they decided it was time to go to sleep.

Dan couldn’t really sleep. He had just one more question he wanted to ask Phil.

“Hey Phil?” Dan asked as he nudged Phil softly.

“Hmm?” Phil answered still half asleep.

“Let’s say I did want a rimjob. Would I have to…you know?” Dan asked his voice trailing.

“Would you have to…?” Phil questioned, not understanding what Dan was getting at.

“Like have an enema?”

“Dan we’re not doing this right now. It’s three in the morning,” Phil said a sigh.

-

Over the next week Phil was just bombarded with questions from Dan and they were all about rimjobs:

“So like, would we do it in the shower?”

“Does it feel weird?”

“Does it tickle?”

By the Friday of the following week, Phil was about ready to hit Dan.

“What if I accidentally fart during it?” Dan asked.

“Then I will kill you,” Phil said simply.

“What–” Dan started before Phil cut him off.

“Are all of these questions just your way of telling me you want one?” Phil snapped.

“Okay fine, yes,” Dan said, feeling his cheeks burn.

“Literally, that’s all you had to say oh my god. We can try it out tomorrow night. Just make sure you clean yourself up okay?” Phil said with an exasperated chuckle.

“Okay!” Dan said with a huge smile.

-

When Saturday evening finally rolled around Dan was so excited and nervous. He’d spent the entire afternoon making sure he’d properly and thoroughly cleaned himself up.

Dan had pretty much dragged Phil into their room and did not waste a single minute before starting to kiss him.

It wasn’t long before the two of them were on Phil’s bed. Dan had pushed Phil onto his back, gently cupping Phil’s jaw as he kissed him, sliding his tongue into Phil’s parted lips. He moaned softly as he felt Phil start to tug on the bottom of his shirt, taking as much of it off as he could before breaking the kiss.

As soon as Phil had gotten Dan’s shirt off, Dan did the same to him. He giggled before he placed a couple of kisses along the side of Phil’s jaw as he let his hand caress Phil’s chest and side, feeling his entire body come alive beneath his fingertips.

Dan pulled away and looked at Phil with a shy smile as he rolled his hips into Phil’s, causing him to moan slightly. He bit his lip as he giggled again.

“That’s adorable. You think you have power over me, sorry sunshine,” Phil said with a chuckle.

“But who’s on bottom right now?” Dan retorted.

Phil rolled his eyes playfully, “I’m letting you have this one sweetheart because you are going to be writhing later.”

“Sure,” Dan mumbled as he let his nose rub up along the side of Phil’s neck and jawline before going back to sucking his neck. He moaned softly and arched his back as he felt Phil’s finger running up and down his spine.

Phil pulled away and smirked. “Why don’t we ditch the jeans and in your case the pants so that I can show you what you’ve really been waiting for.”

"Uhm, okay,” Dan agreed turning the slightest shade of pink as his confidence dwindled a bit.

“What’s wrong sweetheart?” Phil questioned.

“Nothing, just a little nervous,” he admitted.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take great care of you. Just take off your pants and get on your hands and knees,” Phil said, drawing little circles on Dan’s back.

Phil stripped down to his underwear while Dan got completely naked and got on the bed. Phil kissed the nape of Dan’s neck as he ran his hand along the curve of Dan’s bum, “I think you’re going to love this much as you love me,” he murmured as he licked the shell of Dan’s ear.

He listened to the shaky breath Dan let out as he let his hand brush along his hips and down his groin. Dan stuck his bum out a bit and Phil just chuckled.

“You’re going to be so far gone,” Phil commented as he placed another kiss on Dan’s spine.

“I’ve been thinking about doing this practically all day, and you’re just making the anticipation worse,” Dan groaned, clutching the bed sheets a bit.

“Three hours at the most,” Phil countered. He was really enjoying the way Dan was aching for him to touch him.

Dan rolled his eyes. “It feels like three days,” he said, arching his back a little.

"Don’t be so dramatic sweetheart,” Phil mumbled as he grabbed the cherry lube. He kneeled behind Dan and stroked his thighs before opening the lube.

“Ready?” he asked as he placed his hand on Dan’s bum.

“Definitely,” Dan answered. He gasped as he felt Phil use his thumbs to part his cheeks. He squeaked a little as he felt Phil lick a long stripe along the crack.

“Holy shit,” Dan breathed.

“You okay?” Phil asked smugly.

“Yeah I’m fine, you can keep going,” Dan choked out.

Phil smiled to himself as he licked gently, wanting to ease Dan into the feeling. He knew Dan was going to like it. He poured a bit of the lube right down the middle of Dan’s bum, then leant further down to lick another stripe.

Dan shivered, lifting his hips a bit to get closer. “Phil,” Dan gasped.

Phil hummed, but didn’t ease up on the teasing licks as he was enjoying this just as much as Dan was. He could feel Dan’s thighs already starting tremble a bit.

Phil started licking with more purpose, pressing in his tongue with more force this time. Phil moaned a little, enjoying the way Dan trembled against his tongue.

“Oh com'on I know you can be a lot louder than that sweetheart,” Phil commented when he’d stopped licking for a moment. “Actually, no I’m just going to make you getting louder,” he added.

“Phil, please just… more, please, just—” Dan murmured. He was not expecting it to feel this fucking great. Holy shit he couldn’t feel his legs. Phil responded by using his lips and tongue to spell the alphabet and various words as he ate Dan’s ass.

“Oh my fuck,” Dan hissed. “Yes just like that Phil–fuck, please.” Phil kept thrusting his tongue in and out of Dan’s hole. He licked the rim a bit, causing Dan to push back as his whole body quivered.

“Keep doing that,” Dan moaned out loudly. He twisted his body a bit and placed his hand on Phil’s head so that he could push him down to make him go deeper.

Dan didn’t have to say anymore before Phil had both hands on his ass cheeks, pressing himself even deeper into Phil’s crack. He started to lick again, lapping at Dan’s entrance.

He stopped for a moment so that he could grab the lube again. He opened it up and poured some on his fingers. He pressed a finger to Dan’s hole and circled it before he pushed it in, listening to the long moan Dan let out as he did. He worked his finger in out of Dan before adding a second.

"More,” Dan whimpered, wiggling his bum a bit. Phil obliged, thrusting his fingers in knuckle deep and hooking them every once in a while, causing Dan’s whole body to jerk.

“Just like that. Fuck yeah Phil, do it like that,” Dan squeaked.

Phil stopped licking for a couple of moments so he could focus a little bit more on fingering Dan. “Do you want me to fuck you?” he asked, listening to Dan’s whines and moans.

“No, eat my ass until I fucking cum,” Dan groaned. Phil smirked and started to lick again, lapping at Dan’s entrance around his fingers. He pulled his fingers out to replace them with his tongue, digging in deeper now.

A constant stream of moans and whimpers and the occasional broken please flooded out of Dan’s mouth.

“Oh my god Phil,” Dan moaned breathlessly as dropped his head into mattress so that his ass was higher in the air for Phil. Phil continued to carefully suck on the entrance, still moving his fingers around to find his prostate.

Dan eventually gave in and reached down and began pumping himself quickly, squeaking out as Phil’s fingers kept hitting his prostate over and over again, and his tongue was moving fast as he ate him out. Dan thought he was literally going to pass out.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck,” Dan whispered, flicking his wrist and crying out just as Phil’s finger dug into his pleasure spot, nearly making him cum on the spot. Phil pushed his tongue once more at Dan’s rim, finger still massaging his prostate, listening as Dan panted out his name as he bucked into his hand, white spilling onto his hand.

Phil pulled his fingers out of Dan but continued licking until Dan was a whimpering, twitching mess.

As soon as Phil finally stopped, Dan collapsed onto the bed, breathing heavily, not sure if he was still alive or had gone to heaven and had his ass eaten by a demigod there.

Phil wiped his mouth and laid down on his side next Dan. He ran his hand down Dan’s sweaty back and just laughed. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d given someone a rimjob but he knew for a fact that it was not nearly as great as rimming Dan was.

“So how was it?” Phil asked.

“That was—”  Dan started as he lifted his head. “Incredible,” he said, blushing a bit before burrowing his face back into the bed.

“Yeah I had a feeling you were going to like that. Also what can I say, I know how to toss a salad, ” Phil said, scooting closer to Dan. Their faces were inches apart and Dan just blushed and smiled shyly.

“Fuck yes you do,” Dan sighed. “I’m so glad I asked,” Dan thought out loud.

Phil giggled. “Yeah I am too. I’d kiss you right now except my mouth has kind of just been in and on your bum, so.…"

Dan giggled pressing his lips against Phil’s skin. “You’re the greatest you know that right?”

“I am aren’t I?” Phil agreed with a smirk.

"Yeah,” Dan said with a small grin.

“And you’re great too, especially with cherry lube,” Phil said with a wink, causing both of them to giggle.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was originally written and posted November 2014. 
> 
> Beta'd by Maetaurus


End file.
